Im not sure why but Cassie and Faith seem to be having a really hard time right now. Faith crys every night.... There is nothing really I can say to ease her pain....I have no words~ She waits for Tim to come thru the door ...She sits in his room alone, and makes sure there are no spider webs on his car.
As a mother of the ones left behind, my heart breaks to see them in so much pain. I have found talking to them on my level helps ......I told Faith last night" This is the most painful thing you will most likely ever experience. And so everyday that you learn to push thru this pain you become a stronger person for it. Tim is so proud of both of you"! I explained how she will be an AMAZING woman because she has learned at such an early age to manage thru the worst pain of her life.
I find myself almost talking from a third person perspective because it is on nights like this that I have to help the girls with their pain....In order to do this I cant feel my own....and then , they fall asleep....and Im left with theirs and mine.
Anger seems to be the emotion of the month....As I plan for Faiths birthday it is yet another holiday we are celebrating without Timothy. There have been alot since March. I didn't even realize how many holidays fall between then and now... Spring Break, Easter, my birthday, mothers day, memorial day, graduation, 4th of July, Faiths birthday.... and it goes on and on. Each one ear marked by the absence of my precious son!
Sunsplash has become a tradition for little Faiths birthday.The last two years we have taken her and her friends, Timothy and Kristine....Those two ride with Faith and her friends down the wild slides as I cant....He loved it and Faith loved doing it with Brother. We are yet again going this year for her birthday and she is already feeling the absence of Tim.
How do I fill in the canyon left in her little heart? Where do I begin .....
Why is it the summer days are the hardest?
Every conscious thought I have thru out the day is about Timothy. And with it comes a sharp pain of reality that I wont hear him laugh today....
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.