half a year still feels like yesterday~

It was a cold cloudy Sunday much like today day, except the ground was covered in feet of snow.It was 6:34 am that you kissed me and slid down the driveway in the snow off to your job, spinning that sign at the donut shop in Folsom. Leaving poor Jason Pagenkopp to get a ride from me home. It was 2:45 pm when you texted me last...to say you were on your way to talk to Kristine Running's dad. It was 3:19 when you went to meet the Lord.... and it was 4:42 when they let me crawl in bed with you to sing to you and say good bye. This was the last time I kissed your face. Smelled your hair, or soaked in the pictures of every inch of you so I would never forget your hands. And everyday I do something good in your name.Even if its small and no one but you and I know! Still hurts like Hell but I can say with every cell of my being that I am so blessed to have brought you into this world. To have been givin the opportunity to breath the same air as you. To share a laugh with you...... To dance with you in the rain!
So many things have happen since I last posted. In April they planted a tree in your name at Camino, They dedicated an entire track race to you and named an event after you. They planted a garden FULL of Lillie's (I know you had something to do with this as they were your favorite and I didn't tell a soul) They made a beautiful slide show at the rally at the end of SAW week and they let me sit up front with the kids. You now I never got to do any of those things...We spent many a night talking about my biggest regret was never graduating and in some form you gave me a gift to see it thru the eyes of a graduate.Thank you for that. Your sister went to Competition and they dedicated the entire dance to you in front of ALL those people. I know she made you proud that day. In May you graduated! You did it my son~ and I walked for you! Everyone was there. Even Uncle Ian came w Sam all the way from LA.  It was the 28th of May...It was a day just like every other 28th since March...Cold and raining. As I sat there on the grass with the graduates I thought "please God hole the rain" just until I do this..and then like something I cant explain, right before they called your name.....The clouds opened up, but only around the field..everywhere else as still dark and cloudy..But where I was sitting the sun shown thru..and "someone" leaned over and said something I will never forget"There is you  SON (sun)! Shinning warmth down on my face and I knew at that moment you were with me..........It was a site no one will never forget as they called your name and handed me your diploma. EVERYONE stood to their feet and a sound I'll never forget came from all around like thunder from above. Cheers for you my precious boy! and LIVE FREE signs held high in the air. Your friends took Sally down for you and she sat PROUDLY in the front parking lot. She was the only car aloud to park there. I took that diploma and held it high in the air for you! And I know you were the one holding me up as I walked because I walked with such determination to make you proud.  
In July Faith turned 11. She misses you the most I think. He party was not the same with out you but we went to SUN SPLASH like always and her cake was in your honor, purple dinosaur , green turtle, and of course penguins!! We felt your spirit with us all day. In August we had the dance show in Sacramento.TRAVIS BYERS MADE A POINT TO HUG ME FOR YOU....YOU MUST  HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT..HIS SMILE WAS AS CONTAGIOUS AS YOURS~
Chantell and your sisters clearly were dancing for you. It was very hard to NOT hear you screaming for them... I saved you a seat though at each show. Mrs. running came both nights to watch for you~ your sisters wrote the most beautiful dedication to you that they said and then your sister Danced for you! Ive never seem her so beautiful as she was in the minutes she gave you everything she had.
Its September now...I think the hardest month by far. We celebrated your 18th birthday on the 4th. Kristine and Mrs. Running came bright and early with balloons..we sent messages to heaven on them for you. Then Courtney brought me the baby. He is soothing balm to my broken heart. Andi had a small family birthday party for you, it was fun! On the 6th of Sept you were set to deploy for the Navy..but your not here to do so..I assume your fully enjoying part of Gods army though:) 
School started back up... your presence is missed by many. I still get emails and posts daily from your friends. They miss you so much , son of my heart~ Ohh and I got your year book...you would have LOVED THE "BABY ADD" and what I wrote.

Your Uncle Ian got married last week end. It was so beautiful and I know you and grandpa were there with us...but your presence was surly missed, especially by Chelsea,who misses you so much but rarely speaks of her pain. Can you send an angel to her? You would love our new sister in law.your new Aunt..She is precious!
Cassie is in 8th grade..she misses riding to school with you and your little "scoot".well she presses on but sometimes I see the pan in her little eyes and cant do anything for her. She makes sure your car is kept spider free:) We all spend time in your room where the sound of laughter still fills the air.
Today Is Sunday, my least favorite day of the week and its been Half A Year today~ Some days I think I'm going to be OK...and then like a sharp knife it hits me that your gone...Like this is new news or something.
I'm trying very hard to be all you would want me to be to your sisters and friends and to be an example to all that are watching. Ive been asking for your to come visit me in my dreams for 6 months but still nothing? Ill keep waiting for you in my dreams my love!